I met her one February morning.It was raining lightly,I stepped outside the library and stood next to her.I said Hi & she responded to it back packaged with a smile.

It was the very first time I’d hit on physically the most beautiful girl.I walked through the young drizzle with her until an apollo light lit directly on her face then I complimented her,she smiled,I sighed a sigh of hope.Damn!

We stopped somewhere for the rain below a building roof.We started having sound conversations for what you would probably call getting to know her better and we found common ground,I did not know that,with some unprepared for but a really good move hug made impact on how she probably felt about me then.

She refused timeously with her number,which really had me confused about my strength of progress.But then hey,who cares girls always play hard to get,it’s part of their game plan.I stayed away for about a week.I would meet her now & then and would just throw a Hi and expect it back,yes with a smile.

I met her again on that following saturday and eventually made things official with her.We went on and dated,did things,nice things,real mad awesome and crazy experiences.It was perfect for a short moment until my guy instinct took over,I fvcked up everything,I wasn’t appreciative of her and who she was to me.

She cried once infront of me but I didn’t feel a thing.Then I knew that I was too savage for shit.I went away from her and I was happy chilling with the guys and my studies.I can assume she was busy hurting while I was busy happy moving around with shallow brains thoughts,sies.

Now I am alone and thinking hard about her,I have grown up and lived up to my responsibilities.Now I have become self concious and I know what I want,and I realised that I love her a lot more than I have ever had,more than the first day,more than when she loved me and the way she did.I really love her.

I have decided to let go of my pride and fight for her.I am not gonna just let things fall of because of what hurtful thing she might say to me or about me or wheather she curves me or not.I realise that no one is born with the right to an opportunity but each one of us has to create their chances.This could be one chance could make me believe much more in my strength as a person or even in the result of failure,teach me a very good life lesson.I am going for it head on.

You might be reading this thinking why could a 20 year old guy be thinking about such stuff,or being this dillusional and naive.But here’s something I learned,we all feel differently about someone and different things and they make us feel vulnerable and a little less strong about ourselves,pathetic though,but we don’t want to be judged for it,ridiculous I know.I am Kaygalokaiwe,Thank you for reading this.


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