I have always known that I am an arty creative,but as far as art was concerned,it only involved pencil sketching.I have grown to realize that I am very much imaginative,so much that I usually sit down and create my own fantasies like Walter Mitty,so apparently I am a ‘Mittyesque’ but I wont use that word on me because English e kgaola leleme fam.
My life has never been a series of happy moments,happy endings and every nice thing you’d expect from a normal individual’s life.I grew up wanting to be like so many people I knew because I had always felt that I was not good enough.
I wanted to be my best friend(I won’t mention names) when I was doing Grade 9 simply because my crush liked him better,I remember I wished I was my uncle’s son because he was working,my mom was unemployed then and my father was not around & he gave NO fvcks about me.I also wished we had a car at home,I wished I could play soccer well,i wished I could just call someone Dad like all the other kids did their dads.
This has led me to imagining and building sets of different lives and characters in my mind.I usually sit down and imagine being a hero of some sort and create sort of short stories of myself as the main character.I tend view a particular fantasy in the way you’d see and idolize a character of a certain movie.
For all the things I have ever wanted to be or to have,the people I wanted to be or to belong to,i have had each and every fantasy or fantasies for every situation.This made me feel better about me inside.All I had to do is pretend that I am someone else,and have my daily life going on in my mind the way I want it to go,but avoiding to not rob myself of reality,I’d create problems in these stories of mine.So at the end of the story(that’s if someone doesn’t walk in on me), I am the one who solves the problem or I am the reason the problem is solved.
I have recently started questioning myself if I am an introvert or not,because for the most of my time I prefer my own privacy and staying there alone,but I enjoy company too,i am usually out there talking more than anyone else,and where I am lucky,making people laugh too.My life is still dull but don’t get me wrong,I do have my reasonable share of a wonderful life at the moment.
My point is that I love creating these fantasies because for some reason they make me extremely happy and ecstatic,and they make me fill the void of not having everything I ever wanted to have,or every person I wanted to be,it’s like I get that chance to be whoever I want to be.I have,more than once,thought about writing and directing my own short stories and putting them into visuals for other people to see and relate.
If I can share a secret,I am lowkey the most ridiculous and weird person I know,especially when I am alone.That is the time I use to learn how to dance(I am a horrible dancer btw,although my friends pretend they don’t see it),that is when I hold a broom and pretend it’s a mic on a mic holder,and then I imagine I am headlining the most prestigious Hip Hop event,performing in front of millions of imaginery people,or sneaking up to the mirror and pretending like I am in a music video.Lol the interesting part about the music video shandis is that I always happen to be the guy with the LiT verse on the song(remember this is my bedroom I am talking about).
I also prefer watching movies alone,because they give me ideas and improve my way of thinking and talking to myself,and to other people,and also creating a better platform in my head to better my fantasies.Lol I sound like this is real neh??
However,I am grown now and I am proud to say that I love myself now,i enjoy being me.I am the best person who I never knew I was before.I don’t wanna change anything about my life.I don’t want my uncle to be my dad anymore,i mean that nigga is not cool anyway Lol.I also no longer need a dad.Moms has always made sure that I forget we are broke at home,I appreciate her for that.I don’t wanna be my best friend either cause that nigga is best at being himself and besides,who’d be ME??
I am saying all this in the paragraph above because these fantasies of mine were initially triggered by my strong lack of confidence.My strong desire to be anyone but myself,to wanna fit in,have prestigious friends or family members,which when you grown up and look around,you realize you don’t need all that hype,you just need to be you and accept and grow yourself to be better.
I have decided to use my fantasies as my way of being productive and growing my skills and talents.I probably sound crazy with all this,maybe it’s because I can’t put it into good writing but this makes a lot of sense to me bruhhh.I hope someone relates tho.
Thank You for reading.
Boi is KayGalokaiwe and I am out. I love you all!!!
Walter Mitty is a fictional character from a very well known short story ‘The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty’ written by an American author James Thurber,first published in 1939.Walter Mitty is basically a guy who loves to create fantasies of his own world so to escape the realities of his dull life.
Well that’s all I can recall of the details since I last read the story in 2013,when I was in Grade 12.
Back round music playing during my writing session was a dope track by:
[Tumi Molekane x Big Dreams]