WHAT IF

Making a decision for yourself requires a relevant level of maturity. When you transition from childhood to adulthood, one of the first things you are thirsty to explore is being able to deal with situations at your own discretion. It is a luxury you get for growing up emotionally, mentally and otherwise. However, it’s your responsibility to boldly face the repercussions of your own decisions whether good or bad.

Everyone has a freedom of choice, what you do with your life is totally up to you. You could make or break your own fate. I personally believe that when a human being is conceived, immediately when the first sperm cell fuses with the egg cell, the universe already has your purposes is defined. Your assignment has begun. You are going to be groomed from birth until you are able to make choices of your own and be responsible for them.

This would mean a path to what you’re supposed to become has been set already. Ultimately your only responsibility is to craft the person you are now, to fit into becoming the person you should be. That is why when you don’t care about shaping your life now, you won’t be able to achieve your life purpose until you step up your game. Otherwise, you will die regretting why you never exhausted your options.

Although you can make better choices given a second chance, I always wonder if you forfeit an opportunity forever by initially making a bad choice. For example, I procrastinate a little too much. When the test is in two weeks, to me it’s way too far ahead and I feel like I still have time. Even when there are three days left my mind works out how I am going to study which chapter for how long. Fast forward to 3 am on the day of the test, there I am trying to cram three chapters in two hours, having to sleep at 5 am because the test starts at 9 am. Then as you would expect I fail dismally.

Obviously,if I had studied on time I’d have passed well. But I also wonder if I had studied and passed, would it have opened doors for me that I‘m now not aware of since I have failed? Also, if I get a rewrite or repeat the subject then I pass, do I unlock the same opportunities I missed the first time when I failed or has that chapter in my life been erased off completely since I have forfeited it? It is the mystery I will probably never be able to find out.

Another example is with relationships. I once messed up what I would like to believe would have turned out to be something beautiful. Although I missed a chance to experience how that would have turned out, my question is; if I could right my wrongs now and get a second chance at it, will I experience something new or the same thing that would have transpired back in the past?? But it’s just a black thought though.

I am the worst decision maker. But I hardly ever torture myself based on the choices I made. Hope is all that I live for, although I am not sure if it’s enough. I have a feeling that I am going to be great one day,but I just haven’t figured out how. I have not yet chosen to start working towards that goal. Not making a choice with your life at all is also making a bad choice.

Kay Galokaiwe

Love, Dating or whatever the fvck you call it

I hate that I am writing about this clichéd topic, especially after so long since my last piece, but motions are motions & my writing is largely motivated by the energy I feel at a specific moment.

 

In a relationship two people NEVER love each other equally. One person always loves the other more than the other does. That is just how life is designed to be.
A relationship is not an easy task depending on which side of it you are. It is like a roller coaster, it favors your feelings one time then in the next relationship it favors your next partner.
Meaning, you are in a relationship and you love that person wholeheartedly. You love their attention, good and bad things; you get jealous when they talk to other people, blah blah the usual shit. Then most likely they hurt you so you leave them. After this you spend time trying to convince yourself how you would never love anyone like that again.
Then you meet the next person after some time & fall into a relationship with them. Usually this time the universe favors you more. You don’t love this new person because you don’t want to feel the way you felt the last time in the past relationship. But usually the new person loves you so much & you cannot see it at that moment.
Your new partner then goes through what you went through in your last relationship. You treat them like your ex treated you, this new person loves your attention, loves small things about you, gets jealous about who you talk to blah blah the usual shit. Then they leave you for always hurting them, whatever the reason might be.
Later on you realize that you lost someone who actually was really down for you always. Then you spend your time convincing yourself that you will never hurt someone who loves you that much again.
However girls are emotional beings, their logic is suspended when they deal with love issues. They don’t want a good guy because apparently he is boring. But again they don’t want a guy who mistreats them. I would like to assume that they want a guy who has options, but does not invest in these options, sexually or otherwise.
As far as cheating is concerned, a guy sleeping with another girl doesn’t mean love or that his girl is being replaced. Ass is ass it’s just a matter of indulging or taking an advantage of the moment. Besides if his girl’s sex game is poor, a guy tends to find a sphonono nyana ko kasi because she arches her back real low when hitting it from the back or she blows you the minute you walk in the door, sometimes a nigga needs a little hospitality like “A nka direla rre tea nyana or otla nduba-duba pele?”. I am not revealing secrets these are simple hints.
In conclusion, this post is to just highlight the trend about love and dating from my own perspective. Two people can never love on another equally; when relationships succeed I would like to believe there’s a certain level of maturity and understanding from the partner who loves less. If that’s you congratulations, you are a victim of a stronger bhekamina.
I would like to apologize for my lack of consistency on my blog. It won’t happen again from 2017 onwards. Thank you for reading.KayGalokaiweSA

“I think I am Walter Mitty”

I have always known that I am an arty creative,but as far as art was concerned,it only involved pencil sketching.I have grown to realize that I am very much imaginative,so much that I usually sit down and create my own fantasies like Walter Mitty,so apparently I am a ‘Mittyesque’ but I wont use that word on me because English e kgaola leleme fam.

My life has never been a series of happy moments,happy endings and every nice thing you’d expect from a normal individual’s life.I grew up wanting to be like so many people I knew because I had always felt that I was not good enough.

I wanted to be my best friend(I won’t mention names) when I was doing Grade 9 simply because my crush liked him better,I remember I wished I was my uncle’s son because he was working,my mom was unemployed then and my father was not around & he gave NO fvcks about me.I also wished we had a car at home,I wished I could play soccer well,i wished I could just call someone Dad like all the other kids did their dads.

This has led me to imagining and building sets of different lives and characters in my mind.I usually sit down and imagine being a hero of some sort and create sort of short stories of myself as the main character.I tend view a particular fantasy in the way you’d see and idolize a character of a certain movie.

For all the things I have ever wanted to be or to have,the people I wanted to be or to belong to,i have had each and every fantasy or fantasies for every situation.This made me feel better about me inside.All I had to do is pretend that I am someone else,and have my daily life going on in my mind the way I want it to go,but avoiding to not rob myself of reality,I’d create problems in these stories of mine.So at the end of the story(that’s if someone doesn’t walk in on me), I am the one who solves the problem or I am the reason the problem is solved.

I have recently started questioning myself if I am an introvert or not,because for the most of my time I prefer my own privacy and staying there alone,but I enjoy company too,i am usually out there talking more than anyone else,and where I am lucky,making people laugh too.My life is still dull but don’t get me wrong,I do have my reasonable share of a wonderful life at the moment.

My point is that I love creating these fantasies because for some reason they make me extremely happy and ecstatic,and they make me fill the void of not having everything I ever wanted to have,or every person I wanted to be,it’s like I get that chance to be whoever I want to be.I have,more than once,thought about writing and directing my own short stories and putting them into visuals for other people to see and relate.

If I can share a secret,I am lowkey the most ridiculous and weird person I know,especially when I am alone.That is the time I use to learn how to dance(I am a horrible dancer btw,although my friends pretend they don’t see it),that is when I hold a broom and pretend it’s a mic on a mic holder,and then I imagine I am headlining the most prestigious Hip Hop event,performing in front of millions of imaginery people,or sneaking up to the mirror and pretending like I am in a music video.Lol the interesting part about the music video shandis is that I always happen to be the guy with the LiT verse on the song(remember this is my bedroom I am talking about).

I also prefer watching movies alone,because they give me ideas and improve my way of thinking and talking to myself,and to other people,and also creating a better platform in my head to better my fantasies.Lol I sound like this is real neh??

However,I am grown now and I am proud to say that I love myself now,i enjoy being me.I am the best person who I never knew I was before.I don’t wanna change anything about my life.I don’t want my uncle to be my dad anymore,i mean that nigga is not cool anyway Lol.I also no longer need a dad.Moms has always made sure that I forget we are broke at home,I appreciate her for that.I don’t wanna be my best friend either cause that nigga is best at being himself and besides,who’d be ME??

I am saying all this in the paragraph above because these fantasies of mine were initially triggered by my strong lack of confidence.My strong desire to be anyone but myself,to wanna fit in,have prestigious friends or family members,which when you grown up and look around,you realize you don’t need all that hype,you just need to be you and accept and grow yourself to be better.

I have decided to use my fantasies as my way of being productive and growing my skills and talents.I probably sound crazy with all this,maybe it’s because I can’t put it into good writing but this makes a lot of sense to me bruhhh.I hope someone relates tho.

Thank You for reading.

Boi is KayGalokaiwe and I am out. I love you all!!!

Walter Mitty is a fictional character from a very well known short story ‘The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty’ written by an American author James Thurber,first published in 1939.Walter Mitty is basically a guy who loves to create fantasies of his own world so to escape the realities of his dull life.
Well that’s all I can recall of the details since I last read the story in 2013,when I was in Grade 12.

Back round music playing during my writing session was a dope track by:
[Tumi Molekane x Big Dreams]

Judgments vs. Open mindedness

IMG_20151225_193059_editIt’s very advisable for an individual to have a set of values and principles that they abide by, because in that way it means they will stand for something rather than just fall for any critic that aims at killing their ambitions and beliefs.
Anyone has a right to follow whatever belief they want, or to not choose one at all. Now once you have made your choice you are left with a responsibility to mind your own business, as far as I am concerned.
It still goes to what is deemed a good deed in this society we live in. We all, are always ready to judge people on what we think is right or wrong, which in true sense is only true to what we believe in and therefore only extends as far as what our piece-of-meat-for-brains has experienced and remembers.
I mean come to think of it, the phrase ‘FIRST IMPRESSION’ actually means ‘AN INDIVIDUAL’S ACTIONS IN ACCORDANCE TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN’.
If for example, you love cussing and at one moment you are introduced to someone who happens to accidentally trip off some pavement brick at that moment and exclaims “urgg Fuck” before they shake your hand, then you wouldn’t really mind.
However, if in the same instance there’s someone who really hates cussing and they experience the same situation then we know for sure how they will be disgusted in a way that makes them presume this common denominator’s FIRST IMPRESSION as BAD.

This only explains why you judge people in a presumably safer coconut way.
So we experience the same situation shit with different life views. Now the deal here is to butt off and learn to think of every situation with an open mind. Because firstly you don’t know it all as an average person.

That is why when you were 7, a year was the longest period in your life and a R10 note made you the richest kid at the ice-block spaza.
Now you know better to realize that crying for chrismas clothes is the lame shit you ever did as a kid.

These are small memories that should teach you that whatever that you do today might not be what you believe in tomorrow. That will help you look at other people and what they do in a different way.
I am writing this article with the level of maturity and the extension of knowledge that the experiences filled in my amnesiac mind can allow. If you are reading this and feeling like it hasn’t inspired you in anyway, then you are not the targeted audience. #Signs-out

INTER SEXUAL FRIENDSHIPS

You could imagine an inter-sexual relationship as probably one of your stunts to get money from your parent to go out late with your friends when you have to babysit,NEVER WORKED OUT.Anyone who thinks this is not true,they are probably in this situation and will be the reason it won’t last.

Here’s the logic;always one of the two parties always has to fall for the other.If you are not the one who thinks that there could be more about them that you want than just “friendship” then you should definitely know that they are conspiring 1 million ways to attract you without you even realizing,which is always the case.So if you are enjoying the benefits of being just friends with a guy or girl at least be aware because really,it is just beyond pointless convincing yourself that a chance of them liking is not in the realm of possibility.This goes only for innocent friendships that do not have any agreement or nature of some sort.

As for friends-with-benefits-friendships,every time,one’s benefits in the friendship comes at the cost of another.Guys prefer sexual and intimate benefits while girls on the other hand prefer instead security,commitment,monetary resources,advice and mostly knowledge about how males think,however this is not limited to both sexes because guys may look for commitment as well or other things in the friendship.

Mostly when one party is content or satisfied about what their counterpart is forth bringing,this might cause the other to feel like they are only being used.A girl might feel like she’s not taken seriously if all a guy asks for is sex,not meaning that the girl is not enjoying it as well.A guy might also feel like taking out his friend-with-benefits or sitting with her for a civil conversation is a waste of time and money,or a girl might want to take the level of the relation to a more platonic level,which is mostly frustrating for guys.

This goes to prove that inter-sexual friendships are a tough cookie to crack.In every case where the said friendship is beneficial to one and too frustrating for the other,some little common problems arise and we have seen them through different experiences.This eventually leads to some people feeling like,or even literally being put in the infamous friend-zone(with no benefits).

Males and females can never be friends because one man’s meat is another man’s poison,meaning is one is happy then the other most likely frustrated,however this post is not biased towards the fact that there could be other ideas that I didn’t include in it.Somebody might feel different and have a totally different argument.Thanks for reading.I am out.

NB: Wale ft SZA x The need to know is pretty relevant to this topic.

Ignorance is not bliss, being loved back is.

Sometimes we get around trying to act tough with people who unleash the soft in us. I hate to not say anything to somebody that I really, really want to talk to at a particular moment simply because pride convinces me that it’s their turn to text first or make the phone call, or probably because I am afraid they might not reply or that I could possibly be an annoyance to them

Nobody wants to be made to feel like they are in a relationship alone, or that they trying harder to bridge the gap a bit more than the person they share it with. It could be any relationship, i.e. friendship, love relationship, from a facebook friend, a whatsapp friend(if it exists, that is) or whatever it is that you share with them. It is so beautiful when the thirst is mutual. Act on this thought.

Let’s open a new topic: Have you ever wondered how awesome it’d be if two people loved each other the same way all at once? Where neither of the two would just tolerate the other just because it is rightful and conditional for them or their ‘social situation’? It’s utterly sickening to realize that it will never be that good and fair. I mean if you don’t agree with me think about it, you have probably seen in cases where you love somebody and they don’t love you back or the other way around, has that ever changed in your lifetime?

Ignorance is NOT bliss if it means enduring a bloody heartache from an ignorant person whom you are so clearly interested in and they just won’t cooperate. Anyway who cares, we are all victims in this situation one way or the other. I only think that the least anyone can do for someone is to rebuke themselves and act right. You do this by texting back on time or at least texting back eventually or in simple terms, ’reaching out’. Social platforms are all we have in these days and times, well that was until people started acting awkward in phone calls or not even picking them up altogether, fucking sucks big time.

I am not preaching that you should entertain any thirsty Mickey Mouse character who hits you up only because it fits their social class or for the fact they caught feelings over a picture of yours that they saw on facebook or whatever; red cards were made for those people. I think people who’ve stuck around for some time and made their intentions clear deserve the chance. I am sorry but this unfortunately, doesn’t involve friend zoned candidates or those ones who’ve been told way too many times that they are rejected. Get a life, have some pride.

Basically I mean those who you know very well that you like but just won’t let into your small hut because it’s filled with pride or what your friends think. Here’s the message; being the subject of the matter doesn’t make you anyhow special besides that you’re primarily being loved, it only determines whether you’re going to lose or win eventually in future occurrences. Be careful. I am out.

I MET HER

I met her one February morning.It was raining lightly,I stepped outside the library and stood next to her.I said Hi & she responded to it back packaged with a smile.

It was the very first time I’d hit on physically the most beautiful girl.I walked through the young drizzle with her until an apollo light lit directly on her face then I complimented her,she smiled,I sighed a sigh of hope.Damn!

We stopped somewhere for the rain below a building roof.We started having sound conversations for what you would probably call getting to know her better and we found common ground,I did not know that,with some unprepared for but a really good move hug made impact on how she probably felt about me then.

She refused timeously with her number,which really had me confused about my strength of progress.But then hey,who cares girls always play hard to get,it’s part of their game plan.I stayed away for about a week.I would meet her now & then and would just throw a Hi and expect it back,yes with a smile.

I met her again on that following saturday and eventually made things official with her.We went on and dated,did things,nice things,real mad awesome and crazy experiences.It was perfect for a short moment until my guy instinct took over,I fvcked up everything,I wasn’t appreciative of her and who she was to me.

She cried once infront of me but I didn’t feel a thing.Then I knew that I was too savage for shit.I went away from her and I was happy chilling with the guys and my studies.I can assume she was busy hurting while I was busy happy moving around with shallow brains thoughts,sies.

Now I am alone and thinking hard about her,I have grown up and lived up to my responsibilities.Now I have become self concious and I know what I want,and I realised that I love her a lot more than I have ever had,more than the first day,more than when she loved me and the way she did.I really love her.

I have decided to let go of my pride and fight for her.I am not gonna just let things fall of because of what hurtful thing she might say to me or about me or wheather she curves me or not.I realise that no one is born with the right to an opportunity but each one of us has to create their chances.This could be one chance could make me believe much more in my strength as a person or even in the result of failure,teach me a very good life lesson.I am going for it head on.

You might be reading this thinking why could a 20 year old guy be thinking about such stuff,or being this dillusional and naive.But here’s something I learned,we all feel differently about someone and different things and they make us feel vulnerable and a little less strong about ourselves,pathetic though,but we don’t want to be judged for it,ridiculous I know.I am Kaygalokaiwe,Thank you for reading this.